Weight, Age, and Life

I left for Air Force Basic Training a scared but excited 19 year old girl. I’d never flown before and Cleveland to San Antonio was my first experience. I couldn’t wait to get in the uniform and serve my country. About six months before I left, in preparation for my training, I began running. The last thing I wanted was to be yelled at for being weak or left behind. I remember weighing myself a lot because at my height (5’1”) there isn’t much room for weight gain. I have been struggling with my weight and self-image ever since then.

You see, I’m a short curvy women. It’s the bait I used to hook my husband. But, before then, it was troublesome. Because Basic Training was so rigorous I lost weight and came out of there all of 108 pounds. I looked good and felt healthy. However, I still had critics. Why are people so cruel? 108 pounds is not fat! I was a size 6-7. Why did I let society and back then, men, tell me that I was fat? I lifted weights, ran and danced my way to feeling and looking good.

Slowly my weight creeped up. I didn’t mind though because I was an avid weight lifter and packed on quite a bit of muscle. I didn’t know anything about eating properly, I hated veggies and I drank alcohol. After four years I left the AF, went to college, roped my husband with my curvaceous lower body and moved to Japan where we began to make a family.

I think that most women suffer from body image after having children. I gained very little weight with my first child but I gained over 50 pounds with the second. Kids! Since the last child I’ve been down on myself about losing the weight. Now, I know you’re looking at my picture and saying that I don’t have 50 pounds to lose; you’re right. I have 20 pounds to lose.

A few years ago I took a stand for my health and went gluten and dairy free. I ran five miles and lost about 22 pounds. I was feeling good and looking good. But then it began to creep back up again! How frustrating! At this point it isn’t just about looking good, vanity and pant size. Now it’s about how I feel. I’m not happy with the way I look or feel. I know that my joints would feel better is I lost another 20 and tightened up the muscle again.

The frustration comes in because it seems no matter what I do I can barely keep the brakes on from gaining let alone lose. What the heck am I doing wrong? I’ve been to three different doctors and they say “It’s your age.” Well, that’s unacceptable to me! I’ve seen plenty of ___ aged people that look amazing. I don’t eat fast food. I don’t drink soda or juice. I don’t eat gluten or dairy.

Yesterday I talked to my primary care doctor. I really like her because she listens to me about natural alternative remedies instead of shoving poison down my throat. She said that she’s been doing a lot of reading and research and she believes that I’m eating too many carbs, eating them at the wrong time and that I’m stressed. FINALLY! I think she is right.

Did you know that you should eat your carbs at night? She said (based on a book written by a neurologist) when you eat them during the day it makes you hungry for more. So you are hungry/eating all day long. When you eat fats and protein in the morning they are more sustaining throughout the day. She also said to keep carbs below 60 a day. Lastly she said I need to find ways to de-stress. You see, that husband of mine who loves my curves is a disabled veteran and he is a handful (to say the least).

So, my game plan: Revisit the Paleo plan eating carbs (this includes fruit) in the evening and keeping my total for the day under 60. Exercise in ways I love like weight lifting, hiking and running. Find ways to de-stress. Any suggestions for de-stressing?




Today is a new day and today I will Get UP.

I can’t believe my hands were that inflamed.

Yesterday I woke up and my hands felt like there was a fire burning in my bones. (and not the good kind like in Jeremiah 20:9)

I didn’t go to church because I could barely lift my coffee cup. What is going on? I’m thinking I got some cross contamination gluten. My wonderful daughter who is about to be a junior in college is studying to be an athletic trainer; massaged my hands for me. She rubbed Blue Emu into them and made a few discoveries. Of course she is just a student so I won’t say what she said because it would not be a legal diagnosis. However, she made some valid points that I will bring up with my doctor this week. Have I mentioned that my 17 year old daughter is amazing? Well she is.

In addition to the hand pain my back felt like I’d been kicked by a horse. I don’t have a horse and I’ve never been kicked by one but this pain is what I imagine it would feel like. I went for a walk with my youngest daughter. The sun was warm and I thought a short walk around the block, in the sun, would be good for my pain and my emotional state which, sad to say, wasn’t in a good place. I barely made it home. My back hurt so bad I almost cried.

I am so over this pain. I’ve tried to change my diet, I try to exercise, and I pray but still – pain.

ENOUGH! UGH! I cast this pain back to Hell where it came from!

I won’t take anything stronger than Ibuprofen for the pain. I refuse to take those poisonous drugs that some doctors push on patients who don’t know any better. They do more harm than good with side effects like cancer! Cancer is a side effect? Wow. I prefer a more natural approach to healthcare, pain management and wellness. Diet, exercise, massage therapy, laughter, and good old fashioned sunshine.

Someday I might have to give in and concede to poison as a remedy but until then I will continue to fight the good fight and press on toward the prize like Paul. (Philippians 3:14)

holding cup

today I can hold my coffee cup in one hand! Yay

Blue Emu is what I use on my pain most of the time